Ughhhh I hate this part of the Bachelor!

So now we are transported to Bali….hot, humid…sticky sweaty….all things Bachelor!

Kaitlyn is the first date and her hair and make-up which usually look pretty good, are now wet and sweaty looking.  Her hair looks stringy and greasy and I know it’s because of the climate there, so just…yuck.  As you can tell, I am not a hot and humid kind of girl.  So they meet up…suck face, sweat on each other and then go to a temple where they can’t kiss.  Bless that temple…really.  Everyone does seem friendly there, but I think the sarongs would have given me some major SWASS (sweaty A$$).  Then they go walking through the streets and see monkeys.  Now those kind of monkeys FREAK me the F**K out.  If one of them came near me I can tell you that I would be doing some major ninja kicks.  So what do they do?  Buy bananas and hold them over their heads….seriously?  Those freaky primates climb right up them to get the bananas.  Dude, those animals pick their butts and eat whatever comes out….major non-hygienic.  Then one peed on Chris and I think I dry heaved about 3 times.  I just wanted to dump a gallon of hand sanitizer all over the both of them.  Chris’ pits are super sweaty now, which we knew would happen in Bali.  I can’t give him crap about it though as I am a heavy sweat monger.  I hate it….I sweat when I think about sweating so I definitely would only be wearing white shirts so the sweat stains don’t show….I have learned through the years. My dad could soak a shirt on a hot humid day in about 2 hours…no lie.  So I come by it naturally.  Maybe Chris could use some Botox in those pits…..I hear it works to stop the sweat glands.  He can afford it.

So after some majorly wet, yucky kisses (cringe-worthy, I just wasn’t feeling it!)  They go to their evening date where they are still sweaty....seriously, does Bali  not have air conditioning???   They do the total "share that you love him" because it is mandatory something Chris wants to hear before you get to go to the next level of "the game".  That is why I really loathe the overnight dates...it seems rehearsed and not real.  It is the first time I have heard a Bachelor tell all the women he is falling love with them.  I am sure that makes his fiancee feel SOOOOO special.  So the overnight creepy Chris Harrison card comes and of course Kaitlyn decides she will stay.  The fact it is from Chris H, just lowers my labido right there.  Ughhhh.

Next we have Whitney.  Thank you Elaine M. for telling me about her spray tan, cuz that is all I noticed!!!  Whit, you need to cover your knees and elbows with lotion and not go crazy on them with the lotion or wipes.  (That was not a spray tan....that was a total do-it-yourself-----I am an expert on that)  Her knees and elbows screamed to be put in the ocean so that salt water could erode the orangy tone.  I think it might have helped, her knees seemed less dirty looking.  She by far had the best date...not such a sweaty Chris with the wind and water....that means he really does love her and her helium voice....they do have chemistry, I do see it.  Sorry all you Whitney haters....I think he might actually want in her pants to marry her.  They had a great convo on her moving to Arlington....she told him she wanted to be a wife and mother first.....(and not have to work at a job AND be a wife and mother...smart!)  He loved that cuz Arlington is his kryptonite so of course they go do it in the fantasy suite....duh.

Next is Robot Becca.   I have to admit that maybe that she looks like a woman in love or the make-up dept is really stepping it up...she looked amazing!  Their date was a total bore. I did have to fast forward it a little bit.  Sorry, Becca bores me and Chris has that weird face when he's with her.  Get that man a bowling towel to wipe the sweat off him......he has big drops on his forehead constantly!!  Becca is obviously use to heat and humidity...in Louisiana....she hardly sweats...bitch.  I could not stop staring at those 80's swishy shorts though....I had a pair of those!

Is anyone over the virgin aspect of this....I sure am. I am glad she has saved herself...Robots do that.  She has never been in love so let's not add slut on top of that.  Of COURSE he is going to say he respects her.  Even if he is lying.  He really wanted to see how they were in bed and now he has to wait.

Then we get to see the two Chris Genius's talking about the girls.  Please, you could see the dead hamster not turning on the wheel when Harrison spoke.  He is so not interesting.  So I fast forwarded through that too....ALL the Bachelors have to act like they love all 3 women and cannot decide.

Rose Ceremony....I knew that Kaitlyn would go home....they just didn't have the chemistry they use to.  Not sure why.  She tried to give him the stink eye and then not look at him....it looked staged.  But I am really glad this episode is over!

Next week:  Women Tell All.....that should be a lot of material to write about!  Might have to make it a 2 parter again!

Random thoughts:
Whitney looks awesome with her hair up....do that more often Alvin....Errr Whitney

Chris looked HOT at the rose ceremony...not sweaty hot but sexy....told ya Chris...wear white!