Tuesday, February 10, 2015

Save a Horse....Ride a Farm Boy!

Finally, the rose ceremony (which wasn’t that exciting) you knew after all the crap that Kelsey pulled that she would probably get a rose.  Her inner evil was banking on it.  I did it again….I gasped at my tv and said “Oh no she didnnnnn’t!”  After Whacka Doodle Kelsey had her panic attack and was smiling that leering, scary smile she said, “I better get a rose.”  Shut up. WFT?  In the end Samantha who has not even had a conversation with Chris on camera and MacKenizie who is 21 years old with a child were sent home.  MacKenzie made me want to “Jillian slap” her when she said she didn’t know if she would ever find true love again.  Sweetie, you are 21….get a babysitter and go to the bar, I am sure you can pick up someone, you have PLENTY of time.  So over her.

So they all pack up and travel to Deadwood, SD…oh yeah….I get it that Chris is not taking them on all these sexy, glamorous places because he wants them to get a feel for the Midwest.  And while I personally enjoy seeing the Midwest, I am sure a lot of the girls are like, WTF??  Chris said Deadwood is sooooo romantic.  Come on Chris…Fiji, Hawaii, Paris and Tuscany are all romantic places.  Deadwood is so NOT romantic.  Historical, cool? Yes I will give it that.  But not romantic. 

The date card arrives and finally Becca gets a 1 or 1.  And they went horseback riding and ok, ok….it was kind of romantic at the fire when they were talking and holding hands.  Becca is actually a real person and seems easy to talk to.  I see a connection….finally!  And she got a kiss!!  Good for you girl!

The next date card arrives and it’s a group date (without Kelsey or Ashley) and I was DYING!!  Loved it that one of them was going home (but in the back of my mind I was thinking, could the stars and planets actually align and BOTH would go home?) I was too afraid to hope….and to hear Kelsey’s psychotic cackle.

The group date was AWESOME!  They got to meet Big and Rich and write a song to Chris.  For those of you that know me, that is SOOOO my element.  I would have killed it…just sayin’.  Jade was so pathetic.  I like her but she needs to get over her little shy self.  Where was your freak flag?  It is just a song!!  You didn’t seem to be too shy when you posed for Playboy???  I can’t see THE woman we see every week ever doing that.  Ashley S must have given her one of her personalities to pose for the spread.  Kudos to Big and Rich for making it fun for the girls though…I just adore them!  Then they all started singing. Oh my GOD!!  Chris and Whitney are NOT good singers.  If they have babies they will be tone deaf and have no chance at American Idol.  Britt of course was good, she’s good at everything and pretty and I just want to puke.  I know he likes her but she is just in it for the fame…whore!!!!  I just want her to go home! Chris has this really huge chemistry with her though and all the girls see it.  I just want Carley to shout “Get a room” to them…just once.  The other girls were ok, Carley’s was the best.  She does it for a living though, so not surprised.

The evening portion of the group date pissed me off.  I was not a happy camper where Chris was concerned.  If you wanted a one on one date with Britt, then you should have changed the rules…AGAIN, and asked for one.  It was so rude to take her for one hour to the Big and Rich concert and leave the other girls.  I don’t blame then for being very upset and crying even.  I think if it were me, I would have walked out and partied with my girlfriends in Deadwood.  When Chris got back it was awkward and instead of apologizing to the girls, he leaves them feeling like pieces of crap.  Good one, a-hole.  Britt of course just sat there and said she felt bad that they were upset….oh I am sure you felt so bad that you got to be on stage with Big and Rich (who you don’t even know, or their music) and sucked face with Chris in front of tons of people…totally your element.  Can’t wait for you to see Arlington Sweetie….your time will come.

So the girls go home, licking their wounds and it’s time for Nucking Futs and High School Sophomore to go on their 2 on 1 date.  To the Badlands…very fitting.  It wasn’t romantic…the rocks looked treacherous and there was some gypsy type bed set up.  Sweet Marshmallow Jesus, he wasn’t planning on using that was he???  Gross.  So Ashley goes first and Chris asks her point blank about Kelsey.  And she told him.  Then he threw her under the bus when he talked to “I’m so smart and I use big words, Kelsey”.  Kelsey handled it like a true serial killer and actually believed she was telling him the truth.  The face-off in the gypsy bed.  I laughed out loud when nutty Kelsey kept staring at Ashley so that she would see that she was dangerously low on her psychotic meds.  That girl needs a check up from the neck up.  It all went down so well in my book though…they both went home and I no longer have to be uncomfortable watching the show. Chris must have had a microphone and headset on and a “safeword” to be whisked away from them so fast by the helicopter.  I can’t imagine how the girls dealt with them in the house.  Awkward!!!!  Loved it when they popped the champagne when they saw Kelsey’s suitcase taken away!  Priceless

So next week we get a Sunday and Monday.  Not sure my mind can take that, but I do see they travel to Arlington and the producers want us to think that Britt has a panic attack.  We will see.  She needs to make it a bit farther for the Bachelorette shoe in!!  I thought she excused herself in SD and actually I had heard Meagan did too, but guess not!!

Random thoughts:
Meagan is either super chill or she smokes weed.
Whitney must lighten her eyebrows when she makes herself up.  I thought she had caterpillars lying there several times tonight in the hotel.


Until next week!


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