WTF? No rose ceremony
tonight….well this episode just turned into a shit storm! This is what I think of it…..
Cruise ship Karaoke Carlie finally got a one on one date. I wanted them to seem hot and heavy , but I
found it well super awkward. Hottie
Chris trying to do the sensual breathing was SO NOT HOT. He looked like he was in a Lamaze class. And what was with sexual guru trying to touch
his chin and pulling it up and down. It
would take everything in me not to slap the bitch. And Carlie…..pllllleaaaasssee….you were given
the Golden Ticket!! Touch the man,
breath on the man, get his manhood at attention!!! I know you felt awkward and so did we, it was
cringeworthy. But you need to get over
the jerk-wad who did not touch you in your last relationship for 2 friggin
years. I have one word for your ex honey….GAY. Sorry, it’s not your fault. You were his hiding behind the closet
girlfriend and you just didn’t know it.
He didn’t want va-jay-jay….he wanted the big P. So you can let go of all that…ride his
tractor, plant the seed, let him do a little ripping….well you know what I
mean.
As the date progressed, they did redeem themselves and
seemed pretty intimate. I was imagining
that I was Carlie though….*sigh*
Ugghhh, Britt got the one on one date. I am so over her. Especially after some of the girls said she
didn’t want to get married or have kids.
Liar. I will expand more on that
later.
The group date white water rapiding snore. Jade fell over, he rubbed her hypothermia out
of her. All the girls had to jump back
into the rapids cuz they were getting all hot and bothered. Like I said, snore fest. They could have totally left Kelsey’s fake
cackle out, but NOOOOO they had to let it echo over the ancient ruins….curse
you producers. I couldn’t sleep last
night because of that.
Now to the good stuff.
Jordan
shows up to the group date…and she is, (wait for it) sober! For now.
She wants a second chance and since she doesn’t remember what she said
to him or how she even left she has no idea what Chris is saying. So she says I want you to see the real me, he
agrees and she grabs a gin and tonic. The
other girls freak out. Sorry if you are
jealous and feel threatened by drunk Jordan, then you know you don’t have a
connection to Chris. I have a better
connection than Jordan
does so put your big girl panties on and just have a good time. (I know Jordan will! More free booze!) Ashley I. is a spoiled brat mean girl. Gosh she needs to go home and I hope someone
slaps her on the way out. Preferably
bring back Jillian so it’s nice and hard.
She had to channel her inner Lyndsey Lohan and be a mean girl. “I am going to be mean to her because it’s
not fair” Oh boo hoo. You are so out of your league with some of
these girls it’s not even funny. You
will be going home soon cuz you are THE girl that men talk about NEVER wanting
to date. Her entitlement just irks the
hell out of me. Wondering if she thinks
she’s some Long Island Princess or something.
YUCK! Kuddos to Whitney for
shutting her down and telling her to grow up in a nice chipmunk voice…it
soothed me…a little. Eventually Chris
told Jordan
to go home, so the universe was righted for some of the insecure crazy girls.
Britt got the one on one date. And it said something about
heights and she cried and cried --- terrified, phobia! Oh no!
Then Chris wakes her up in the wee morning hours and mashes on her in
front of the other girls. That caused
some major problems. I did have to feel
for Carlie though since she had a pretty good make out session with him but
then I got over it cuz guess what? She
signed up for the BACHELOR!
So Britt and Chris go on a hot air balloon ride and suddenly
Britts not afraid of heights anymore? You
are in a friggin wicker basket with a balloon carrying you!!!! If you have a
height PHOBIA, you would have been vomiting.
So you lied! She also lied to
Chris when she said she wanted to have a hundred babies. Only girls that want to get the guy say
that. NO one wants to have 100 babies,
especially since she doesn’t want to have one baby. Just another push for her to get herself on
the Bachelorette. She is fake and I don’t
like her anymore at all. I hope she does
leave on her own, she will never make it if she can’t be the center of
attention in Iowa . Oh wait, she probably would be (but doesn’t
know it ---shhhhhh don’t tell her!)
When Britt comes back and says we took a 2 hour nap….code
for we did it in his room. Kelsey gets
her psycho on and is bound and determined to tell Chris about the death of her
husband. I kind of find it disturbing
that Ashely I.
Speaking of disturbing….Kelsey’s chat with Chris? I felt weird listening to them, let alone
watching them. After the story….and here
is where the hairs on my neck stick up, because I just realized that Kelsey is
a MAJOR sociopath. She said, “Isn’t my
story AMAZING, tragic, but isn’t it AMAZING”
That was just wrong…wrong…wrong.. I actually gasped when she said
it. Run Chris!!!!!
So I am not sure if Chris felt this disturbing vibe from
Kelsey or if he just needed to get away from women for a while but he chose to
just walk away from the cocktail party.
Smart man. Kelsey started out the
night like a Cheshire Cat and still riding the crazy wave because I think she
honestly felt that in her crazy mind that she sealed the deal and that he was
going to send EVERYONE home at that point to run away with her. Coo coo for cocoa puffs. Go. Get. Therapy. Then when she felt like maybe things weren’t
going her way, she pulled the panic attack card. She needs to go. It wasn’t dramatic, it was pitiful.
So we were left with a to be continued and I HATE
that!!! So I guess we will see who can
crazy themselves out more than others on the next episode. I am starting to believe that Whitney might
be the one who wins. Her voice is
starting to sound a lot better when making solid points and sentences than any
of those Bat Shit Crazy girls. Did I
just say that????
Random thoughts:
Both Whitney and Chris have no upper lips…coincidence?
I still have not seen Chris even talk to Samantha….who is
she???
Until next episode! See
ya then!
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