The Final Rose.....Finally.

First of all, I loved how they showed the aerial view of the Arlington area (said no one ever)  Could they possibly make Iowa look any worse?  Sorry, I love Iowa.  I choose to live here because I love 4 seasons and I love how the scenery changes.  I am glad that we got to see Iowa in the fall as it is beautiful.  Ok that is my 2 cents worth on that…moving on.

Whitney comes to see the family and of course they love her.  I think she molds herself to any situation at hand.  Not sure if that is good or bad…but hey she loves him.  We weren’t sure until she told him 50 times this episode.  So glad we now know.  I feel as a fan that he should find someone who is madly in love with him and for now she seems to be.  Until he leaves the toilet seat up or the cap off the toothpaste.  Then we might see crazy Whitney.  His nieces and nephews were adorable I might add.  And I loved that his sister’s name is Lori.  She has a great name.

Then we see Robot Becca who totally sealed her fate every time she was on camera.  Becca, you are honest to a fault and I am glad that you told the truth.  But what the hell were you doing there???  You are falling in love with him but you are not there yet?  You don’t know if you will get there?  You don’t know if you can move to Iowa?  You don’t know what being in love feels like?  You need to be re-booted…and fast if you ever want to feel like a human.  She just seems like a wax figure to me sometimes.  Chris’ mama tried so hard to get her to utter a human emotion but she just couldn’t.  It was super awkward.  I think Chris’ brother-in-law summed it up best.  You want Becca because she seems unattainable, like the one girl at the bar that everyone is too scared to approach.  Yes, guys are like that.  They think with their ego and another thing that I won’t mention instead of their brain.  So I can see why Chris wants her.  I think he wants her to want him more than anything and that is sad. 

When Chris and Robot are alone at her hotel he was reaching for anything that she would give him and she just couldn’t do it.  It was sooooo obvious that she is scared to death of being with a man.  She seemed uber uncomfortable, even for an emotionless zombie.  Would you propose to someone that acted like that when you are giving her every opportunity to tell you that you want to be with them?  I think not.

So Whitney goes to see Chris and she gets in the combine (that he bought when he kept Ashley S longer than he wanted to) with him.  I had to laugh cuz it’s the end of November with snow on the ground so if you are a farmer it’s very important to get your crops out before that.  They must have saved that little patch just to film...how cute.  I think Whitney appreciated his home more than Jade.  I wanted to bitch slap Jade when she was rude about his home.  She said it was a bachelor pad…uh duh Jade…he is a bachelor and he is THE Bachelor.  I am so glad she was not a finalist.  Whitney is salivating over popping out babies…like right now.  They would have such high pitched laughs…not sure they should have their babies around dogs….they would hear them way too much and probably go mad.

So finally we get to the proposal and Robot steps out first which EVERY one knew would happen if you have watched the last hour of the show.  I have NEVER seen a Bachelorette stand their and nod her head as she is getting NOT proposed to and being broken up with.  And I have NEVER seen a Bachelorette not do the ugly cry in the limo.  She didn’t shed a tear.  It would short circuit her I am assuming.  So I rest my case on the zero emotion girl.  I wonder if she is a serial killer.  They cannot feel love either.

Then Whitney comes out of the limo. I did love both the girls’ dresses.  They both looked AHmazing in them. (Had to get that in there).  Whitney is either really nervous or that barn is really drafty as she is shaking like a leaf.  I don’t know if it was just me or if when he finally told her he loved her that I just wasn’t feeling it.  We KNOW she loves him. She told us.  He said it to her a couple of times and the proposal was fast and sweet.  I was looking forward to the After the Final Rose so I could see how they progressed. 

After the Final Rose:

I  love the part where they get to see each other and come together as a couple.  I hate all the other crap that goes on during this part.  Robot Becca was back thanking Chris for dumping her because now she doesn’t have to pretend like she likes him.  She seems like a nice girl, but it is hard to watch someone that is so mechanical.  Whitney’s voice was super high as she was so excited to see her man.  I wonder if he will ever say anything about her voice to anyone?  If he wants to be married to her, he better keep his mouth shut.  And she probably shouldn’t make fun of his laugh.  Both of those for me would be a deal breaker.  Although Chris is a hottie and I could teach him to belly laugh couldn’t I???  Oh wait, he’s engaged…shucks.  Of course they called each other their “soul mates”…a phrase I hate.  Along with “you complete me”….gag.  I am sure they are just ready to walk down the streets of Arlington hand and hand….well they probably could have done that before…who is going to see them??

Whitney kept her sanity (and jealousy) at bay by not watching the parts that did not have her and Chris together.  That was probably smart because he told a lot of women he was falling in love with them and he couldn’t make a decision.  That would KILL me if I heard that from my fiancée.  And I am so glad they do not have a wedding date set.  They are going to get to know each other.  Um yeah, being engaged should come after you start dating but we know how silly the Bachelor is, so I guess they need to date and then make babies, oh and I guess get married.  True to her word, Whitney is moving to Arlington. She gets to live with Chris, she won’t have to work and she is going to have his babies…I am jealous of her already…*sigh*

Jimmy Kimmel was back to hear Chris’ girly laugh and to make fun of him and Whitney which I loved.  I think Chris has a crush on him though….

So – Harrison cues the “applause” signs and we get to hear the news about the Bachelorettes.  Now I did NOT see this one coming. Both Kaitlyn and Britt are going to COMPETE to be the bachelorette.   Kaitlyn looked a bit perplexed about the situation.  Britt was just glad she gets more camera time and you can bet your sweet ASS that she is going to do all that she can to get the slot of Bachelorette.  Oh joy.  I am sure they needed to do something to spice up the season.  They have done this before with the Bachelors and they had one older good-looking Bachelor and one stuffy, ugly English bachelor.  It was a no brainer who the women would pick.  That was a boring season.  I am wondering how all this will play out, so I will probably have to watch…and blog.  Oh darn.

Chris is going to be on Dancing with the Stars so I will be blogging about that.  His partner’s name is also Whitney…which is good for him because if he calls out that name in the heat of passion he won’t get in trouble.  Whitney will be there with her big fake smile.  I can tell when she is smiling because she is happy and when she fake smiles…yup I’m that good.  Thanks for reading my blog this season.  I will be back next Monday with the DWTS blog…..and my very big opinions.

Random Thoughts:

Chris was not sweating in the barn.  Iowa does wonders for him.

Women Tell Me Nothing I Didn't Already Know

I never did get to watch the full episode,  but I did get to see random clips online for free. I wasn't paying to see the whole episode.  So there you go....opinionated and cheap. I am.

I watched Brit first.  She continues to ugly fake cry and I cannot feel sorry for her. I think she is still campaigning for bachelorette but I have heard kaitlyn gets it and I could not be more happy!  She tries to discredit Carly but just comes off as shallow and lying.  She will have to return to California and give free hugs again. or find Ed from Jillians season for the bachelor pad. I cannot even blog on the bachelor pad cuz they all are sluts and gross. Her most pathetic attempt was trying to talk to Harrison while off camera so she could get some sympathy... .pathetic.

Next I watched Jade. I don't even know how to respond.  She was upset cuz he said it was awkward?  Just so you know...it was 10X more awkward for us. Plus your family was weird and he said that there was a difference between you and weird family you. You got dumped.  Deal with it.

Kelsey...you are still diabolical.  You tried to explain and apologize.  Still playing the victim and doesn't think she is anything near mental hospitalization. She needs to disappear before another husband disappears.

Kaitlyn.  I get it that you slept with him and didn't get anywhere.  You are my girl and now I hear may be the new Bachelorette.  What is with these girls pissed about having to go through the rose ceremony?  She wanted him to pull her aside and tell her. Hello? Us fans need to see the devastation in your eyes.  At least give us that. I am stoked that K may be the next bachelorette.  I will blog about her. Yay!

Random thoughts:  Ashley S. is just all kinds of oddness.....I don't even think she is acting anymore.
Chris had that "I have to fart while picking spinach off his teeth" face through the whole interrogation.  And of course he looked sweaty.

Ughhhh I hate this part of the Bachelor!

So now we are transported to Bali….hot, humid…sticky sweaty….all things Bachelor!

Kaitlyn is the first date and her hair and make-up which usually look pretty good, are now wet and sweaty looking.  Her hair looks stringy and greasy and I know it’s because of the climate there, so just…yuck.  As you can tell, I am not a hot and humid kind of girl.  So they meet up…suck face, sweat on each other and then go to a temple where they can’t kiss.  Bless that temple…really.  Everyone does seem friendly there, but I think the sarongs would have given me some major SWASS (sweaty A$$).  Then they go walking through the streets and see monkeys.  Now those kind of monkeys FREAK me the F**K out.  If one of them came near me I can tell you that I would be doing some major ninja kicks.  So what do they do?  Buy bananas and hold them over their heads….seriously?  Those freaky primates climb right up them to get the bananas.  Dude, those animals pick their butts and eat whatever comes out….major non-hygienic.  Then one peed on Chris and I think I dry heaved about 3 times.  I just wanted to dump a gallon of hand sanitizer all over the both of them.  Chris’ pits are super sweaty now, which we knew would happen in Bali.  I can’t give him crap about it though as I am a heavy sweat monger.  I hate it….I sweat when I think about sweating so I definitely would only be wearing white shirts so the sweat stains don’t show….I have learned through the years. My dad could soak a shirt on a hot humid day in about 2 hours…no lie.  So I come by it naturally.  Maybe Chris could use some Botox in those pits…..I hear it works to stop the sweat glands.  He can afford it.

So after some majorly wet, yucky kisses (cringe-worthy, I just wasn’t feeling it!)  They go to their evening date where they are still sweaty....seriously, does Bali  not have air conditioning???   They do the total "share that you love him" because it is mandatory something Chris wants to hear before you get to go to the next level of "the game".  That is why I really loathe the overnight dates...it seems rehearsed and not real.  It is the first time I have heard a Bachelor tell all the women he is falling love with them.  I am sure that makes his fiancee feel SOOOOO special.  So the overnight creepy Chris Harrison card comes and of course Kaitlyn decides she will stay.  The fact it is from Chris H, just lowers my labido right there.  Ughhhh.

Next we have Whitney.  Thank you Elaine M. for telling me about her spray tan, cuz that is all I noticed!!!  Whit, you need to cover your knees and elbows with lotion and not go crazy on them with the lotion or wipes.  (That was not a spray tan....that was a total do-it-yourself-----I am an expert on that)  Her knees and elbows screamed to be put in the ocean so that salt water could erode the orangy tone.  I think it might have helped, her knees seemed less dirty looking.  She by far had the best date...not such a sweaty Chris with the wind and water....that means he really does love her and her helium voice....they do have chemistry, I do see it.  Sorry all you Whitney haters....I think he might actually want in her pants to marry her.  They had a great convo on her moving to Arlington....she told him she wanted to be a wife and mother first.....(and not have to work at a job AND be a wife and mother...smart!)  He loved that cuz Arlington is his kryptonite so of course they go do it in the fantasy suite....duh.

Next is Robot Becca.   I have to admit that maybe that she looks like a woman in love or the make-up dept is really stepping it up...she looked amazing!  Their date was a total bore. I did have to fast forward it a little bit.  Sorry, Becca bores me and Chris has that weird face when he's with her.  Get that man a bowling towel to wipe the sweat off him......he has big drops on his forehead constantly!!  Becca is obviously use to heat and humidity...in Louisiana....she hardly sweats...bitch.  I could not stop staring at those 80's swishy shorts though....I had a pair of those!

Is anyone over the virgin aspect of this....I sure am. I am glad she has saved herself...Robots do that.  She has never been in love so let's not add slut on top of that.  Of COURSE he is going to say he respects her.  Even if he is lying.  He really wanted to see how they were in bed and now he has to wait.

Then we get to see the two Chris Genius's talking about the girls.  Please, you could see the dead hamster not turning on the wheel when Harrison spoke.  He is so not interesting.  So I fast forwarded through that too....ALL the Bachelors have to act like they love all 3 women and cannot decide.

Rose Ceremony....I knew that Kaitlyn would go home....they just didn't have the chemistry they use to.  Not sure why.  She tried to give him the stink eye and then not look at him....it looked staged.  But I am really glad this episode is over!

Next week:  Women Tell All.....that should be a lot of material to write about!  Might have to make it a 2 parter again!

Random thoughts:
Whitney looks awesome with her hair up....do that more often Alvin....Errr Whitney

Chris looked HOT at the rose ceremony...not sweaty hot but sexy....told ya Chris...wear white!

The Amazing and Incredible Family Dates...Part II

Kaitlyn has always been my girl.  I always find myself rooting for the Canadian girls…wonder why that is, Eh???  Anyway, they must have a home in Phoenix, AZ so she meets Chris at a dumpster in an alley, payback for the Cost-co date.  Then they go and do some rap…..dude, you can write it pretty well, but you have NO RYHTYM!  I did think Kaitlyn’s family was the most normal of them all and she seems to have a very loving family.  Maybe that is why she is so confident and funny.  She needs to be a little more smoozy though.  I think that is what Chris wants from her.  I liked the billboard idea though, she gets the most points and wins a trip to Cost-co for her Kaitlyn ♥ Chris sign.  I just wish I could see her in Iowa….of course we would be best friends but she seems like she needs a Starbucks and a nightclub a little more handy. 

I would be lying if I didn’t think the Playboy thing didn’t have at least something to do with Chris’ decision to send Jade home.  I also wanted to share my thoughts on her family….weirdos!  They act like they don’t even know Jade, or maybe WE just didn’t know Jade.  Like I said, she has that Freak Flag and while she didn’t fly it when any of us were looking, she has definitely flown it.  I was cringing at being with her family so imagine Chris’ reaction to it.  So she shows him her Playboy “spread” (ha, I knew that word had a double meaning) and he seems pretty much at a loss for words, but certainly doesn’t peel his eyes from the computer.  So he told her it was something in her past, he doesn’t hold it against her…oh come on!!!  I am sure he MIGHT have thought that at the time, but having a night to sleep  on it and have a little **bow chicky bow wow** alone time with the computer and those images that evening I think it meant more than what he had told her.  How would you like it if the farmer at the local bank came up and said “Saw your wife while I was surfing the World Wide Web, man she has some nice cahunas!”  Ummm, no.  I don’t think he would like that.

So a tense rose ceremony….Jade goes home, which I kinda saw that coming.  Bless her heart (that is what you say when you don’t have anything nice to say about her). So upcoming is Bali where the girls will have flat humid hair and Chris will have even more sweaty armpits….cuz it’s humid freakin hot there. 

Random thoughts:

Jade and her brother could be twins…it was eerie….that floppy hair of his and they have the exact same nose!  And that he said she was a wild mustang…about your sister?  That’s odd.

Amazing and incredible are getting really old….let’s think of some new words to use…get out the pocket thesaurus.

Bye, Bye Miss American Pie-hole!

I could not be happier with this episode….my heart is zinging!!!  Shall we get to all the shit that unfolded last night?? Why yes, I think we shall!

I was happy to see Becca get a one on one date with Chris.  I was beginning to think they had forgotten about her.  I am glad I got to see it because I was like that Robot in the Lost in Space television series with my innards… “Danger, Danger” – reason being you ask?  Becca is kind of a robot.  She is not very dynamic and not very interesting.  I think I could watch paint dry and be more enthusiastic rather than listening to her.  She’s never been in love…hmmm….well robots don’t fall in love, they don’t have that “chip” for emotion.  She touches him and it’s just awkward.  I have a hard time watching them on screen.  Can we just say though that the loft that Chris is staying in Des Moines is kick ass????  Loved it!

So everyone is painting applying make-up (especially Britt..yowza!) and getting ready for the rose ceremony/cocktail party.  Britt already told the other girls the night before that she is packing and telling Chris she is leaving.  The other girls are stoked yet try to get some more intel from her.  “Like what would it take to make you stay?”  Britt….nothing.   Ummmm yeah right, you just don’t want to stand there during the rose ceremony because your huge ego and painted eyes could not take it if he didn’t offer a rose.  So she cries and then listens (so we think) to them talk about her.  It really doesn’t matter cuz they talk about her in front of her too.  She needs to get over herself.  C. Harris announces that there will be no cocktail party.  Britt is stunned because she has prepared her award winning speech that will be begging him to keep her.  So as they are preparing for the rose ceremony, Britt just can’t stand it that there is not a rose marked on it “Britt – you are my future wife, please run away with me now and I will only think of you from the end of time.”  Ya, I don’t think a rose could fit all that wording on it anyway.  So she pulls him aside.  Have any of you noticed Chris’ uncomfortable face?  The one where is looks like he’s trying to hold in a fart and lick spinach off his teeth at the same time?  It’s disturbing.  So Britt goes on and kisses his ass and tells him she is sorry (doesn’t sound like you are giving him the brush off does it Britt?) and he says that he just can’t go forward knowing she has been lying.  Then Britt says (and this is Catty Girls 101) is it Carly?  Did Carly say something?  Because Britt KNOWS she told Carly these things and now has to back-track.  Best line from Chris “I want that from a wife, one that can tell me the truth.”  I don’t have the exact quote, but that is what I heard… “And I don’t think that is you.” So HE sent HER home….not what Britt, Britt had in mind, but she got her huge cry and loud sobbing out of her system while standing/sitting by the curb.  It was pathetic they could hear her…just more attention from her.  And then we get a close up of all the war paint coming off from Britt’s eyes.  Girl, they make water-proof mascara…use it!!

Back to the rose ceremony.  I was a little sad that Carly went home.  I knew they didn’t have the connection, but I still want her to be his side-kick.  Hopefully they will stay best buds.  (Sad face)

So now we go to hometown dates, with Becca the Robot and her family in Shrevesport, LA.  I did not think her family date went that well.  They basically just said that Becca is emotionally dead and that she’s never been in love.  Red Flag!!!  And all of her family said that!  Her best time was the ferris wheel and those are the most boring rides at the amusement park….get my anaology of that?  Boring.

Then Chris is off to Chicago, IL to see Whitney.  I know a lot of you do not like Whitney.  I was so put off by her voice and her wayyyy too excitedness to even want to see her on camera.  Well, she has grown on me.  And I say that because, she doesn’t chime in on all the bullshit of the girls, she seems honest, she loves Chris, and she seemed to be a really good friend to all the girls in the house…even drunk Jordan.  So I think I am going to give her a pass and try to really like her.  I love her job…how awesome would that be.  I am glad that Chris got to see that.  My question is…will she want to leave it???  I hope Iowa City has a place for her.  I don’t even know if Iowa City does IVF stuff???  So Whitney doesn’t have any parents.  Her mom died at 50 from a blood clot from a routine surgery and Whit doesn’t know her dad.  I loved her uncle though…he seemed cool. And her sister not wanting to give her blessing was smart.  Call her when you decide…M’kay…good!  I think that was the smartest thing anyone has said all season!!  If any of you saw the very last clip of the show it showed Whit’s dog humping it’s play toy!  I died laughing and then laughed even more when I heard Chris’ high pitched girlie laugh….I wasn’t sure if it was him or Whit laughing…but is was definitely him!

I will post more later.  I need more time to think…my brain is kind of mush with 2 days of Bachelor!

Welcome to the Hawkeye State!

We got an extra dose of the Bachelor tonight….so 2 posts for you!!  Hot Diggity Dog!

Let’s just dive right into the crazy train shall we?

Uggh, I thought I wouldn't have to see the lunatic Kelsey until the Women Tell All Night which is going to be wicked…and cringe worthy but I will be right there front and center!  That woman is 50 Shades of Cra------zy.  No doubt about it.  With her interview with Chris, she only proved how diabolical she is.  I can’t believe this is coming out of my mouth, but thank you to Ashley I. for throwing her under the bus (as well as yourself Ash- good job.)

I already knew the other Ashley was a real Looney Tunes also, I just didn’t know how much. The wandering all over where the cameras and crew chilled….they probably grabbed an extra butter knife as she entered their calm space.  Not letting that chick anywhere near my veggie tray is what I can hear them saying.  She takes the cake for being HALF-BAKED…..no joke.  I think even Jason from Friday the 13^th would be frightened of her.

I won’t even talk about Andi and her heart-break.  She didn’t choose Chris, so there you have it.  Maybe she wants to try to get back with him….I never put it past chicks that want more camera time. 

So basically Chris telling the other Chris about what has gone down so far was not very interesting so I really have nothing good to report on that.  So let’s just move on to last night’s episode.

I had to laugh at them in Des Moines.  Coming down the Capitol Steps like a group of 5^th grade field trippers.  Des Moines has some very interesting places and clubs and it really is a great town.  I hope they took something from that, but I think the only person so far that appreciates it is Whitney. 

So Jade gets the first date and they actually DROVE her to Arlington from Des Moines, by herself. That is torture in itself but if you love the guy then I guess you would go to the ends of the earth for him.  I am sure Jade thought she reached the end of the earth.  When she said she came from a small town, I was sure she would be one of the only ones that would understand Chris’ lifestyle…I was wrong.  She was kind of snotty about it and I didn’t like it.  Do people really think that in a small town they can’t go to a bigger neighboring town and have fun and get the necessities?  It is not Little House on the Prairie where you make that big city trip once every 2 months….plllleaaasseee…you all have to be more intelligent.  Guess what, we can get to a nightclub in less time than some of those girls can get to a nightclub….in their same city.  Just less traffic for us and I love that about Iowa!

So they go to his home town football game and Jade puts on an academy award performance of trying to act like it was so sweet and she is so shy and she met his parents. Gag me.  Chris took every opportunity to stick his tongue down her throat.  I certainly hope the Playboy story comes out soon.  I loved Carly’s line: “Hey parents, don’t google my wife.”  Yea, that’s going to be a game changer….or at least I hope it is.  I am really not liking Jade, not that she has ever really been on my radar, but at least Chris is getting some groping in.  Can’t fault a guy for that.

Whitney’s date was just cute.  She is cute….helium voice and all. And I have to say that she seems to be the only one that could probably handle the farm life. I would love to say that Carly and Becca and Kaitlyn could handle it too, but I am not so sure. We already know that Britt loves  hates it there….but told Chris she loved it.  Faker!  I really, really saw the connection that the producers have been trying to hide so well with Whitney.  They couldn’t keep their damn hands of each other.  The mural was awesome.  It made me think romantic thoughts that made me want to gag myself.  They had a great night.

While the great date was going on, the other girls snuck to Arlington.  I love Carly and I think she should move with Chris and his fiancée and be their best friend.  She fits with him just not in a love sort of way. I love the way she loves him and looks out for him.  Even though in the back of her mind, she knows there is no connection.  At least she wants him to be happy.  This was witnessed on the group date where she took him aside and told him about Britt’s lies.  She was looking out for him and for once on this show it wasn’t for her own personal gain.  She doesn’t want him to look back and know that he chose a faker.  I applauded Carly and wish that she could stick around, but I know her time will be short.  You can feel it between them.

I loved, loved, loved that Britt was pissed that she wasn’t the center of the world and Kaitlyn got the important “take you to my family” rose. And I was kinda like Go Chris when she pouted about it and he told her he didn’t really know what she wanted from him.  I could see Carly high fiving herself in her mind because she could not have had it play out any better than what she saw…Britt giving herself her own rope to hang herself.  I REALLY hope that Carly gets to be the next Bachelorette!!!  That would really piss Britt off!!!  Yay me for thinking of that!!

So tomorrow is the rose ceremony and we can all see what’s coming…well at least I can.  It should be good entertainment though!

Random thoughts:

Do all farmers name their non-milking cows, or do you think that was just for TV?

The girls all said they saw cornfields…but everything looked harvested to me.  Were they supposed to say that, or did they just see empty fields and assume they were corn fields at one time….rookie mistake, they could have been bean fields.

Save a Horse....Ride a Farm Boy!

Finally, the rose ceremony (which wasn’t that exciting) you knew after all the crap that Kelsey pulled that she would probably get a rose.  Her inner evil was banking on it.  I did it again….I gasped at my tv and said “Oh no she didnnnnn’t!”  After Whacka Doodle Kelsey had her panic attack and was smiling that leering, scary smile she said, “I better get a rose.”  Shut up. WFT?  In the end Samantha who has not even had a conversation with Chris on camera and MacKenizie who is 21 years old with a child were sent home.  MacKenzie made me want to “Jillian slap” her when she said she didn’t know if she would ever find true love again.  Sweetie, you are 21….get a babysitter and go to the bar, I am sure you can pick up someone, you have PLENTY of time.  So over her.

So they all pack up and travel to Deadwood, SD…oh yeah….I get it that Chris is not taking them on all these sexy, glamorous places because he wants them to get a feel for the Midwest.  And while I personally enjoy seeing the Midwest, I am sure a lot of the girls are like, WTF??  Chris said Deadwood is sooooo romantic.  Come on Chris…Fiji, Hawaii, Paris and Tuscany are all romantic places.  Deadwood is so NOT romantic.  Historical, cool? Yes I will give it that.  But not romantic. 

The date card arrives and finally Becca gets a 1 or 1.  And they went horseback riding and ok, ok….it was kind of romantic at the fire when they were talking and holding hands.  Becca is actually a real person and seems easy to talk to.  I see a connection….finally!  And she got a kiss!!  Good for you girl!

The next date card arrives and it’s a group date (without Kelsey or Ashley) and I was DYING!!  Loved it that one of them was going home (but in the back of my mind I was thinking, could the stars and planets actually align and BOTH would go home?) I was too afraid to hope….and to hear Kelsey’s psychotic cackle.

The group date was AWESOME!  They got to meet Big and Rich and write a song to Chris.  For those of you that know me, that is SOOOO my element.  I would have killed it…just sayin’.  Jade was so pathetic.  I like her but she needs to get over her little shy self.  Where was your freak flag?  It is just a song!!  You didn’t seem to be too shy when you posed for Playboy???  I can’t see THE woman we see every week ever doing that.  Ashley S must have given her one of her personalities to pose for the spread.  Kudos to Big and Rich for making it fun for the girls though…I just adore them!  Then they all started singing. Oh my GOD!!  Chris and Whitney are NOT good singers.  If they have babies they will be tone deaf and have no chance at American Idol.  Britt of course was good, she’s good at everything and pretty and I just want to puke.  I know he likes her but she is just in it for the fame…whore!!!!  I just want her to go home! Chris has this really huge chemistry with her though and all the girls see it.  I just want Carley to shout “Get a room” to them…just once.  The other girls were ok, Carley’s was the best.  She does it for a living though, so not surprised.

The evening portion of the group date pissed me off.  I was not a happy camper where Chris was concerned.  If you wanted a one on one date with Britt, then you should have changed the rules…AGAIN, and asked for one.  It was so rude to take her for one hour to the Big and Rich concert and leave the other girls.  I don’t blame then for being very upset and crying even.  I think if it were me, I would have walked out and partied with my girlfriends in Deadwood.  When Chris got back it was awkward and instead of apologizing to the girls, he leaves them feeling like pieces of crap.  Good one, a-hole.  Britt of course just sat there and said she felt bad that they were upset….oh I am sure you felt so bad that you got to be on stage with Big and Rich (who you don’t even know, or their music) and sucked face with Chris in front of tons of people…totally your element.  Can’t wait for you to see Arlington Sweetie….your time will come.

So the girls go home, licking their wounds and it’s time for Nucking Futs and High School Sophomore to go on their 2 on 1 date.  To the Badlands…very fitting.  It wasn’t romantic…the rocks looked treacherous and there was some gypsy type bed set up.  Sweet Marshmallow Jesus, he wasn’t planning on using that was he???  Gross.  So Ashley goes first and Chris asks her point blank about Kelsey.  And she told him.  Then he threw her under the bus when he talked to “I’m so smart and I use big words, Kelsey”.  Kelsey handled it like a true serial killer and actually believed she was telling him the truth.  The face-off in the gypsy bed.  I laughed out loud when nutty Kelsey kept staring at Ashley so that she would see that she was dangerously low on her psychotic meds.  That girl needs a check up from the neck up.  It all went down so well in my book though…they both went home and I no longer have to be uncomfortable watching the show. Chris must have had a microphone and headset on and a “safeword” to be whisked away from them so fast by the helicopter.  I can’t imagine how the girls dealt with them in the house.  Awkward!!!!  Loved it when they popped the champagne when they saw Kelsey’s suitcase taken away!  Priceless

So next week we get a Sunday and Monday.  Not sure my mind can take that, but I do see they travel to Arlington and the producers want us to think that Britt has a panic attack.  We will see.  She needs to make it a bit farther for the Bachelorette shoe in!!  I thought she excused herself in SD and actually I had heard Meagan did too, but guess not!!

Random thoughts:

Meagan is either super chill or she smokes weed.

Whitney must lighten her eyebrows when she makes herself up.  I thought she had caterpillars lying there several times tonight in the hotel.

Until next week!