Another week of the bachelor, another week of girl
DRAMA!!! So let’s get right to it shall
we?
The group date at the lake and camping. Personally I would have loved that, but some
of the fakers were just being, well……fake.
I really can’t stand Kelsey. She
hated every minute of the camping and then proceeded to fake laugh while
talking to Chris. I wanted that bee
sting to go a lot farther up her leg than it did. Even the bee didn’t want to go there. She is
such a Debbie Downer and I can see why the girls don’t like her. I love the way Kaitlyn has everyone pegged so
well. She is my girl, but like I said,
don’t think she will make it on the farm.
Mooning the cows just won’t be as fun for her, especially when her ass
has icicles on it. Ashley I. continues
to make me yell at my tv. Her make-up
style and those eyebrows…..she makes me want to eat Flintstone flavored
vicodine by the handful while she is on the screen. If I see her whine one more time I might have
to have Jillian bitch slap her. The real
reason she is a virgin? Ain’t no man out
there that can take her for more than a couple of dates. For real.
Who would want to be around that kind of woman? And I use the term
“woman” loosely cuz “Jersey wanna be whore”
just seems too mean.
Good thing Chris was getting drunk on this date. He needed it!! Especially when Crazy Ashley onion girl
decided to talk to him. You could smell
the fear in his eyes and the Jameson on his breath. The producers must have really kicked in something
good in for Chris to have her kiss him and talk to him. Oh wait, she doesn’t talk, she uses her own
secret crazy language that can only be understood by the people writing her
subtitles. They probably don’t even know what she said so they made it up as
they went along. What I wouldn’t do to
be on the cutting room floor when they were editing her! “Dude let’s throw in a ‘oh you are so good
for me’, even if she said ‘I think I have to pee.’ Good grief she is whacko. Ashley I-wanna-be whore sneaking into Chris’
tent and scaring him with her eyebrows was a yawn for me and I doubt he even
remembers it and that is what sticks with her cuz she looks to be kind of
stalkerish and because she talked to him while he was clearly in a drunken,
tired stupor…that was “their moment”. Oh
I wish she would have gone home!!! Ughhhh!
Back at the mansion, Chris’ sisters are there to talk to the
girls. All of them seem to get along
pretty well with them. His sisters seem
really cool and collected and I was surprised to hear one of them lives in Ireland . I knew they would pick Jade after the
heartfelt moment they had with her.
Small town shy girl meets big world…who wouldn’t get a catch in their
throat on that. ***SPOILER*** I
don’t think any of them know yet that Jade did a few sessions for amateur
Playboy. That is a real deal killer when
you talk to the fams, so I am pretty sure she didn’t mention it. I think when Chris hears about it or she
fesses up, that he will probably cry.
That would hurt. I will be here
for you Chris Baby…I have an extremely broad shoulder to cry on…there, there.
The mud run in the wedding dresses. We all knew manly Jillian who secretly loves
women would win this. Her roid rage
showed through as she clearly kicked everyone’s butts. I was just glad to see she had a dress on and
not tight boy shorts to show her hairy manly parts. You know…P*NIS . I
think she has one, maybe. Chris seemed
petrified that she won, but tried not to show it. So they go out on their date and I was so glad
to see Jillian stumbling all over her own testosterone. Sheesh does she ever stop talking about how
fit and awesome she looks?? She did not
get a rose and I was cheering. As
Jillian departed I think she had to mace herself to get tears to form. If only Chris would have had a couple tractor
tires that she could have thrown all over, probably would have made her feel
better.
On to the rose ceremony (cuz Jade’s date makes me sad for
Chris and I don’t want him to be sad, cuz I think he is falling for her. I will kiss your tears away, no worries) All the girls tried to do their THANG and get
him to notice them. Mackenzie kept her mouth shut….good job little girl. Actually Megan’s was the best. Just fill me with chocolate, fruit and a
blindfold and I would do just about anything. Seems Chris liked it too…see him
and I are so alike, it’s scary! Ashley
confessed her virgin status. I think
Chris swallowed his tongue for a minute there….I don’t think he believed
her. Why would he? He rubbed her lamp not too long ago, he
probably thought that everyone has rubbed her lamp. Yuck too disgusting for me to think
about. Britt pissed him off with talking
about Kaitlyn. If there is one thing I
have learned that guys don’t like is when you talk about someone they like and
you are a catty bitch about it.
**SPOILERS** Rumor has it that Britt bows out on her own. Saying that he deserves to give other women a
chance that are actually in to him…..can we say “I am bowing out cuz I just
don’t feel it….and I am going to be the NEXT BACHELORETTE! No hard
feelings.” Uggghhhh – fame whore!
So CRAZY Ashley, Nikki (who is she??), and Juliea went home.
Ashley’s departure was my all time favorite. “ I feel nothing. Actually, I feel NOTHING, NOTHING!” Of course you don’t feel anything, pop some
more pills and you will really feel nothing, and probably be terrorizing the
poor limo driver that has to take you to the Cuckoo’s Nest.
Random thoughts:
Ashley I….Worst. Kisser. Ever. Chris needs a rag to wipe himself off when
she is done sucking his face.
Nikki and Samantha….who ARE these girls? I don’t even remember them from the first
night. That is kinda sad when you make
it this far and you really have no screen time other than Jillian trying to
feel you up. I know Nikki is gone…she
better hide or block her number from Jilly-man.
Until next week!!
